Ahhhh! Where did the time go?!

I cannot believe how fast time has gone! This feels like a whirlwind! So much has happened, and my life allows for so little “me” time, that I haven’t had time to update my blog. So here is a peek at what has been happening these last 6 months!

Rylan is doing AMAZING! He is 16 months old and so much fun! He is crawling up a storm and cruising along, nearly walking, but not there yet. He has a mouth full of teeth, 14 to be exact, and is eating like a champ! He does 3 meal times a day, and still has to do some feeds through his G-Tube as we had a small hiccup in his progress. During a repeat swallow study, they detected some aspiration with the thin liquid consistency. The doctors agreed that since he had been drinking liquids for almost 6 months, had good respiratory health, and was growing well, that they would let us continue to do feeds and liquids by mouth, but still use the G-Tube. He is working with PT and OT to get his strength up and get him walking and talking.

We had some genetic testing recommended by his pediatrician, and in February, it came back that he had a chromosome 1 deletion. We met with a geneticist and learned that he is a Q1.21 microdeletion. We are going to do testing on ourselves to see who the carrier is, but as far as Rylan, the only things we can tell it has affected is his developmental delay, and weakened muscle tone. So that was reassuring.

In September, our little man turned 1! It was such a wonderful and surreal moment to watch this baby turn 1 and feel relieved that we made it out of some scary situations by the grace of God. He is so sweet and funny and cute, it blows me away! His little personality develops more and more each day. He loves to play peek-a-boo, and throw things out of my crib/pack and play. He loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and gets excited every time the Hot Dog song comes on. He LOVES the water and enjoys baths. He has so many variations of giggles, it cracks me up every time. He is in love with our cat Bailey and they play together well. He loves snuggles, and laying on a pillow next to you and watching videos until his eyes are too heavy to watch. He gives the world’s best hugs and blows cute little kisses, with tongue sticking out and all! He gives some good attitude but a silly face can make it go away almost instantly. He is very particular about things, like how is pacifier is placed in his mouth, how is blanket it, or where you put his milk cup. He absolutely LOVES Cheetos, but eats nearly every flavor of food you can think of. There are a million more things I could say about my incredible son, but I will make this short.

My best friend came out from Texas and got to meet Rylan, which was one of the best moments! They bonded instantly and it made me wish we lived closer.

We planned a little cabin getaway for my birthday about an hour away and had a blast. The cabin came packed with stuff for all ages, including a pack and play! We had tons of fun and even got to see a family of deer a few feet away from us!

Christmas was much better for everyone, and he seemed to really enjoy it which was fun. We met Santa, and he changed his mind on liking him from last year. (picture below). He made his own cookie plate and enjoyed looking at lights. We did a walk around Broadmoor lake and opened presents which he gladly ripped apart. It was a wonderful holiday season!

We are starting off the new year full of hopes for this coming year! There is so much to be thankful for and so much I try not to take for granted! I hope this year is filled with lots of love, laughter and great memories! And hopefully more time to update :)

 

9 Months and Counting!

To say that time is flying by is an understatement! Where is it all going?! I cannot believe my little guy is already 9 months old. So much has happened in the last few months, some not so good, but mostly, it has been a pretty amazing few months!

The biggest update in our lives is that Rylan can finally have food orally!! YAY!!! He had a swallow study on May 30^th at Children’s, and he did amazingly well! They started him off with formula in a bottle, and while it threw him through a loop to have liquid coming out of something that resembled his binky, after a few tries, he drank. He had 6 swallows with no aspiration! Next up was puree’s. He had sweet potatoes, which is the first food he ever had in his life, and wasn’t too thrilled. He was so confused to have something coming towards his face and into his mouth. They had to sweeten it up with kool-aid, but they were finally able to get 3 bites in, and with those bites, he swallowed all 3 successfully with no aspiration! He did have a few episodes of passive swallowing, where he didn’t actually swallow, gravity took over and made its way to the right place. We were cleared to work with his OT to start feeding therapy and introduce puree’s to him. They told us that it would probably be a few months before he would fully eat as babies who have not been fed orally have a learning curve. This kid has blown that out of the water! He did so well with his OT, that after a week, we were allowed to start feeding him at home. It has been over a month and this kid is a champ! He has done so well, we had to back off his feeds a little so we were not over feeding him. To date, he has had and like the following; sweet potatoes, apples, bananas, butternut squash, pumpkin, pears, green beans, spinach, zucchini, peas, apple cinnamon granola, and blueberries. This chunky monkey likes to eat! Not only that, but he is also drinking formula by mouth with either his honey bear (sippy cup) or a real cup. We are beyond proud of him and how far he has come!

The only little set back he has had was the unfortunate fall he had while on the bed that resulted in a break in his femur. D was watching the little nugget who has learned to roll himself all over, and he took his eyes off of him for just a moment and he rolled himself right off the bed. He hit our bed frame just right and broke his femur. We spent several hours at the hospital and they put a splint on him and referred us to ortho, but not before tell us of the possibilities of casts that were horrifying. I was a bucket of nerves as I sat in that ortho room waiting to hear the outcome. After reviewing scans, they said he is doing so well that they only need to do the splint for 4 weeks. We go back after that to follow up with more scans to see if he is doing well. If it all goes well, we do his surgery for his boy parts on the following day.

Our family had the absolutely best time in Disney in May, it was better than I could have hoped for. The kids did so well, I was so proud of them for their patience and behavior. Rylan did amazing and A had a blast! We learned a few tips before we left that helped so much, so I thought I would share them here to pass them along, if they apply to you. First, ride switch….the coolest thing there! When you have 1 kiddo and a baby, it is really hard to ride some of the older rides without someone missing out. Ride switch took care of that! You scan your ticket when you and kid get on the ride. After the ride, the other parent gets to skip the line with the kid and ride again. No one misses out and the kiddo gets to ride awesome rides twice…win/win! Next, stroller/wheelchair access. Because of Rylan’s tube feedings, we use his stroller as a wheelchair. Our first stop in Disney was to the town hall where we got a little red tag that allowed us to bring his stroller around as a wheelchair where most stroller access was denied. Not only that, but we got to use the mobility access for rides and that cut our waiting time in half. Another win! The biggest tip I would offer….splurge on Max Pass. It allowed us to book and schedule rides so we didn’t do a ton of waiting and we got to do nearly every ride in Disney. Well worth the money.

We have been blessed by so many things this month, I am beyond grateful. But I will also say, this has been the hardest time of my life. On June 9^th, my beautiful and wonderful Grandma passed away. I hadn’t dealt with death much in my life. My stepdad passed when I was 12, and other than a few family friends, I haven’t really had to face death like this. She has been hit with a lot of health problems in the last 10 years of her life, and a stroke she suffered in April was something that she just couldn’t recover from. She fought so long and so hard, but it was finally her time to be free of pain and suffering and become a glorious angel. I miss her every single day! I am most grateful that she got to meet Rylan. She loved Rylan so much! She called him her baby and asked about him constantly. We were lucky enough to see her a month before she passed, and video chat several times after. I hold her close to my heart and will always make sure that Rylan knows about her and knows the love she had for him.

I will end this update as I have written far more than I planned. Can’t wait to see what is in store for us in the future, and share the many wonderful milestones our little man will have!

7 Months ALREADY?!

Wow….time really does fly by when you have a kiddo! I cannot believe that my little bug is going to be 7 months old in just a few days!! So much has happened and he has gotten so big right in front of my eyes, it’s crazy! Seeing as how my last update was in January, I have a lot to catch up on!

Rylan is doing fantastic! He is gaining weight and getting bigger by the day. He is 15 pounds and 25 and a half inches long! He is in size 6-9 month clothes and is officially now in the 4^th percentile! YAY! Developmentally he is doing great! He babbles a lot and is full of smiles and giggles. He is also getting some great belly laughs in. He plays little games with us like peek-a-boo,  and a sweet but slightly annoying fake cough thing he started a few weeks ago! He can almost sit up unassisted, and he loves tummy time but it still a ways away from crawling. However, he is right on the cusp of rolling over! He has developed attachments to a few of his favorite things! He loves his binky, it is his buddy. He will suck on it and then play with it and chew on it like he is a puppy, it is so freaking cute! We added a pacifier clip to it and he loves it. He loves to have soft things by his face when he sleeps. I think it was from when he was in the womb, but that is the one sure way to get him to sleep. He loves this little crinkle Llama book squeaker toy thing. He can spend an hour on it and still love it the next time he sees it. One of his absolute favorite things is this Finding Nemo play mat that lights up and sings. He really could spend forever under there. Money well spent!

Medically, Rylan is doing good, but gearing up for some changes in the near future! We have a repeat swallow study scheduled May 30^th to see if he can start solids! I am hoping and praying daily that he can and that he passes! And in July, he will have surgery to bring down his undescended testicles. Poor little man has had a rough start in life, but man is he a trooper! That little guy is so strong and impresses me every day! I am so proud to be his mommy!

For the rest of the family, we are doing amazing! In May, my stepdaughter will be graduating 5^th grade and will be going into middle school! AHHHH! INSANE! For a birthday and life celebration, we are taking her and Rylan to Disneyland and Universal Studios at the end of May. We are all so excited! We haven’t told her yet, but will be telling her on her birthday on the 23^rd. D has been doing great at his job and recently got a promotion. I have been remaining active in my job and have been busy with that and the kiddos. Life has been crazy and busy, but I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I am so excited for the next few months and can’t wait to experience all of the wonderful things that little man brings to our life!

Twists and Turns

To say that things have been crazy is an understatement! I was prepared for motherhood, or so I thought, but I was not prepared for this! Get ready for a novel, because it has been a LONG 3 months!

Things were going great and my maternity leave was becoming a lot more enjoyable after getting into a solid routine. We would start the day with a feed in the morning followed by an hour or two nap, sometimes for the both of us! He would wake up and we would do another feed and then spend an hour or so playing in his activity mat or just making silly songs and faces to try and get a smile. He would pass out soon after, and allow me some chore/shower time. He would wake and then feed, and then it was nearly time for everyone to be home. The nights were split between loving on mom, dad, grandma, and sister. Late nights were a bit rough as it was difficult not to worry and stress if he was breathing, and then when I did manage to fall asleep, he would wake me up soon after to feed. And then we would start the whole day over again. We mixed in some outdoor walks, Rylan and Mommy dates out on the town and lots of cuddle time in between. They tell you that those 2 months fly by, and they sure did! My maternity leave was over before I knew it!

I went back to work shortly before he turned 2 months. My mom had been laid off from her job and offered to watch him for a few months until the new year to allow us time to save for daycare. I always said that I didn’t think I wanted to be a stay at home mom, that I wanted the kiddo and the career…..I.was.wrong! Going back to work was the hardest thing I had done. I cried the whole weekend before, and that morning, and all through work. It was miserable, but a lot more bearable since I could call and video chat when I was pumping throughout the day. He went from EBF to bottle fed with breast milk, so I pump 3 times a day at work to maintain his supply at home with my mom. Here is where everything fell apart.

A week after getting into the new routine of working and my mom watching him, he began to act weird during feedings. My mom and I noticed that he was choking a bit on his bottles. I consulted the pediatrician and she said that he probably has acid reflux since he had other symptoms led her to that diagnosis. They gave us Zantac to start on right before Thanksgiving. That weekend, he and I went for a little day date and went to the mall and a few other places to Christmas shop. We went to the nursing room at the mall, and during his feed, he started to choke a bit. I was frustrated because we had been giving him the Zantac, but we did skip a dose, so I brushed it off. On Monday November 26, before I left for work, I fed Rylan as I do, and he choked a couple of times. It was only for a moment or two, but caught his breath, cried for a few seconds and then went back to eating. I told my mom about it and then left for work. Around 10am, she called me and said that he has been choking non-stop during his bottle feed and it worried her. I told her that I would call the pediatrician and she told me to wait, that she would see if he was just congested. About 10 min later, I got a call that shook my world. She told me to call 911, that he was choking and having a hard time breathing. My heart dropped and I instantly felt sick and panicked. I grabbed my work phone and dialed 911, but got a message that they had a high call volume. I slammed down my phone, grabbed my purse, cell and keys, frantically told my boss that I was leaving and why, and flew down the steps to my car. As I was rushing out, I called again and it turned out my mom did to and there were already paramedics at the house. When my mom called, he stopped breathing, went limp and his eyes rolled back. The dispatcher helped my mom get his breath back and the paramedics showed up instantly and gave him oxygen. After I got to the house, they told me he was doing good but still needed to go to the hospital. We got everything together and headed to Memorial North, where I gave birth.

After waiting at Memorial North for 2 hours, they told us that he needed to be seen at the main location downtown as they had a pediatric wing, so that’s where we went. After a night stay in the hospital and a swallow study later, we found out that Rylan was silently aspirating every consistency of liquid, from thin like breast milk, to really thick with additives. The esophagus and trachea (windpipe) are right next to each other and when we was eating, some would go to his stomach and some would go to his lungs. They deemed him not safe to eat by mouth and told us he needed to be on a feeding tube for the foreseeable future. That was devastating! My heart broke for him. My little man has been through so much in his short little life, and this is the last thing I wanted. We spent a total of a week in the hospital and had several tests done and met with several specialists to see if there was a reason why. Everything came back inconclusive. He wasn’t at the weight he should be (At 2 months, he was 9 pounds 6 ounces) and because the feeding tube placement required surgery, he had to wait 2 weeks to get stronger and gain more weight. So we left the hospital with an NG tube (Tube going from his nose down his throat to his stomach) and returned 2 weeks later for his G Tube surgery.

I am so proud of how well my little nugget is doing, he is so strong and so brave and I love him so much! He has been doing great with his tube, and is now 10 pounds 1 ounce and growing! We celebrated his First Christmas and First New Years by seeing Santa, getting family pictures, looking at Christmas lights, going to Church Candlelight service, seeing family and friends, and just spending time together and loving up on him!

As for development, his is rocking it! Little man can hold his head up great, talks a ton (coo’s and grunts), smiles, and has even laughed! He can grab things, including his binky and put it back into his mouth. Even though my son is now special needs and life has taken us down this path we are currently on, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I love him so much; I would go through anything for him! We have appointments with specialists that will help us create a plan for his future, but I hope and pray that he doesn’t have to be on this feeding tube for long. I want him to have the best and brightest future possible and live life as a normal baby. He deserves the world and more!  I will try and be better and updates in the future, I’m just lucky enough to find time today to write this! 

He's Here!!! Meet Baby Rylan!

Our sweet little miracle, Rylan Avery was born September 19^th at 7:51am, weighing a nice 6 pounds 13 ounces and measuring 19 ¾! He is officially 2 weeks old as of yesterday and doing incredibly well! It is so surreal to be holding and looking at this little man who grew in my belly. Holding his tiny little hands and kissing this little feet and staring at his little nose fill me with such joy. There are no words to describe how in love with this boy I am. I have never known love like this, and thank God every day for this little miracle!

Birth Story:

Because my little man is stubborn, or it could be that I only have half of a uterus, he was breech. He was breech the entire pregnancy, so I had to have a planned C-Section at 39 weeks. We chose the 19^th. It turns out that the 19^th was a very special day for many reasons. It is my Aunts Birthday, D’s niece’s birthday, and my doctor’s birthday. Not only was it my doctor’s birthday, but because my C-Section was scheduled in the morning, I had my doctor there to delivery my baby, but then she was being induced that evening for her own baby. We are both 33 and carrying our first child via IVF and they are both boys. Dr. Williams is a badass and a wonderful woman for sticking around to deliver my baby. It was an honor to have her in there. She even popped by to hold him afterwards.

We (Mom, D, and A) arrived at the hospital at 5:15am with varying emotions. We stopped to take 1 final picture of my preggo belly at the hospital entrance just before we got to meet our little man. We checked in and got into my room shortly after. I changed into my lovely gown and began to prep. It had always been a dream of mine to have both my mom and D with me during delivery. My mom got to be there for the transfer and was a HUGE help and support through this whole process, I couldn’t imagine her not being there. We asked the anesthesiologist if I could have 2 support people with me, and he kindly agreed. At 7:15am, I got wheeled back into the operating room where I got my epidural, and was prepped for surgery. Shortly after, they let mom and D back there with me. I could feel a ton of pressure, tugging and pulling which was an odd sensation. Within minutes, I heard them say that the butt was coming out first….and seconds later, my little man made his entrance into this world. I just started sobbing and repeating that there was my son, there is our baby. D held me head and sobbed right along with me while my mom grabbed her phone and took a ton of pictures. The time had come for D to cut the umbilical cord, and I was left there alone waiting to see my son and praising God for this little miracle. I could not believe that this was real, that my son was really here. Moments later, they brought over my bundle of joy and set him next to me. I covered him in kisses and kept repeating how beautiful he was. He was truly the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. My blood pressure dipped really low, so they decided to have my mom and D take Rylan to meet his sister while they finished up.

I got back to the room and got some immediate skin on skin with my little man, however, I was extremely nauseous and having a hard time with my blood pressure, so it ended sooner than I would have liked. Pediatricians came around shortly after to give him his shots and check him out. There had been an issue with a possible abnormality that they wanted to check out, so they told me they would take him for testing and be right back. 2 hours later, I still had not seen my baby since they took him. A nurse came in to see how I was doing and I asked her about Rylan. She told me that they had taken him to the nursery because during his testing, his oxygen went low. I asked to go see him, but she told me I had to wait a little while longer, so I sent D who was still at the hospital with me to go see him. He went down and spent a half an hour with him before they finally let me go see him. When I got to the nursery, I finally got to hold him. I held him for about a half an hour before they told me that he had to go to NICU for the night because his oxygen was still too low. I was really bummed. They took him to NICU and sent me back to my room. A few hours later after he was all settled into NICU, they let me come down to see him. They asked if I wanted to try nursing, which I did. I got there and was a little worried and stressed, so the nursing didn’t work out, so they offered to supplement with donor milk for the time being. I got to come down every 3 hours for feedings and got to stay as long as I wanted to with him. It wasn’t ideal, but everyone was lovely, and I was happy that I finally got to spend some time with my son. The next morning, around 4:30am, D and I went down to feed and hold him and they shared with us that he had done so well that they took him off oxygen and it looks like he is doing well on his own. They had to monitor him for a bit longer, but it looked like he would get to come to our room that night. All in all, he had a 28 hour stay in NICU and was back in our room. That would be our last night in the hospital, but we got to spend it with our son in the room. It was hard and challenging, but so worth it. The next day was spent with us as a new family holding him, feeding him, and loving up on him. The 2 days I was there we had our awesome friends and family come visit him and share their love. It was a wonderful few days with some ups and downs, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. We left the hospital at 7pm that night with our little man and the start of our journey as a family of 4!

 

Our little man is 2 weeks old and doing great! The testing he had done has all been prefect and promising and he is still as amazing as ever! Rylan is the best thing I have ever done in my life and I am the happiest that I could have ever imagined. Motherhood has been rough, and a lot harder than I anticipated, but it is all absolutely worth it!  When he wakes up and does those cute little stretches, or when he is sleeping and makes the silliest little faces, my heart just melts. I love waking up and seeing this gift from God looking back at me. It doesn’t matter if he is content or screaming his head off, all I can do is smile and fight back the tears of happiness as I realize with every breath that he takes, my dreams and prayers came true. The love of my life has changed my life in more ways than I can say.

I can’t wait to write updates of this little man’s journey through life, my journey in motherhood, and everything in between. Thank you to anyone and everyone who has supported us through this and for the many prayers sent. There are no words that I can say that can come close to the gratitude that I feel. My heart is full and feels complete!

34 Week Update!

Today I am 34 weeks, and I will be 35 weeks tomorrow! I cannot believe how fast time is flying by! I thought I would have posted more frequently, but this pregnancy is going so freaking fast! Things have been going really good so far. I have been doing weekly blood flow scans and growth scans every 3 weeks, and the results have all been good. He still has IUGR, and is going to be a small baby, but I am pretty sure that it is because of my Unicornuate Uterus, and that is okay, because other than that, he is doing great! As of 2 weeks ago, he was just under 4 pounds, he is practicing his breathing, moving like crazy, and is completely stubborn! He is still breech and refuses to move, so as of my doctor appointment today, I have officially scheduled my C-Section. I am incredibly nervous and a little bummed that I have do to a C-Section, but as long as the end result is a happy and healthy baby, I am game for anything! So this cute little baby boy will be born in 4 weeks, or earlier if he decides so.

About 4 weeks ago, we decided to go for a 3D/4D Ultrasound. I wasn’t going to do it, but after thinking about it, I decided that if this happened to be my only pregnancy, I would be really bummed if I didn’t do it. So D and my Mom went on a Saturday to the fantastic center for some cute pics. And just like everything else in this pregnancy, it was a little different than I hoped. I have anterior placenta, which is a thick placenta right in the front that acts like a cushion, and unfortunately blocked a lot of the pics. The wonderful sonographer tried for 30 minutes but was not able to get any good pics. We did get to see him drinking his fluid and sticking his tongue out, but other than that, it was a dud. The owner met us at the front and offered to have us come back within 10 days to see if she could do it. A week or so later, we met back up at the clinic, this time we brought A as well, and tried our luck. After about 30 min of the owner trying, she gave up. We were able to get 2 decent pics. She felt badly for us and offered to refund our money. I asked her to only do half because she worked really hard for us, but she ended up doing it all, which was super nice. So here is our little man in a somewhat of a 3D/4D pic!

A few weeks ago I had my baby shower that my mom hosted and it was purely magical! She did such a wonderful job putting it all together and making sure it was so much fun and the absolute best time! I had my friends and family in attendance along with my bestie who flew down from Texas. It was a blast! I felt so loved and it was truly everything I had hoped for. And last weekend, I was blessed with having my work peeps throw me a baby shower, which was also really amazing and a lot of fun. This little guy has so much love already, it is quite amazing!

The last few days I have been nesting and getting his things sorted, washed, put away, and all set up. Folding his little onesies and blankets, holding his little diapers in my hand, and looking at his cute little bassinet in my room is so surreal. I cannot believe that in a month or so, I will be holding our little miracle in my arms. I am beyond thrilled and feel extremely blessed, and not to mention, VERY emotional!

I will try and post another update before I have this little cutie, but if I don’t, please send prayers and happy thoughts for a successful C-section, speedy recovery, but most importantly, a healthy baby!

Third Trimester baby!!!

I am officially in my 3^rd Trimester!!! AHHHHH!! It is so crazy that I even get to say those words! I have so many emotions at the moment and I am going to do my best to explain them!

Worried: At my last measurement scan a few weeks ago through Maternal Fetal Medicine (I have to attend because I am having an IVF baby) the doctor told me that she thinks that my baby is on the small side and not retaining enough fat. This is called IUGR (Intrauterine Growth Restriction) and could be cause for concern. I have to go weekly now for blood flow scans of the baby and the placenta to make sure he is still doing okay, and growth scans every 3 weeks. I don’t mind getting to see him more often, but I worry about him and his growth. After speaking to my doctor, I felt a little bit better knowing that he could still continue to grow, just at a slower rate, but my 6 or 8 months, he should catch up to the rest of the babies his age. The monitoring helps and my doctor thinks that at we may have to deliver early, about 37 to 39 weeks which I was already expecting because of my unicornuate uterus. And he may have to go to the NICU if he has issues with staying warm or eating/breathing. The few things I was worried about besides his health would be labor and delivery, and breastfeeding. I thought that since I would have to delivery early, I would have to have a C-Section. But I would just be induced and see what my body does, so there is a good chance I could still do a natural labor and delivery, also depending on his position, because if he is breach, I will have to do a C-Section. And breastfeeding, I was concerned that I wouldn’t get to do that if he went to the NICU but my doctor told me that they highly encourage breastfeeding and that I could still do it. All of the info my doctor provided me with made me feel a million times better!

 
Terrified: I am terrified that in less than 3 months, I am going to be responsible for another human being for the rest of my life! My life as I know it will be completely different. I have thought and dreamt about these things for as long as I can remember, but knowing they are going to be my reality soon is really intensely scary! I am going to be up all hours of the night sacrificing myself for the good of this little man. Knowing that any choice I make could potentially screw him up is frightening. I hope I am not the only one who feels this! I feel confident in myself and have always been great with kids, but my child, all day every day?! TERRIFIED!
 
Excited: On the flip side, I am getting so incredibly excited to meet this little man! I dream about what he looks like, what he smells like, what he will sounds like, what little expressions he will make, and holding him and staring at him with love and wonder! I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. I want to sing to him, read to him, teach him, and just love him. I cannot wait to be this little man’s mom.

Petrified: I have dreamed for so long of being pregnant and imagining how it would be, I pretty much glazed over the whole labor and delivery. Now, in a little over 2 months, I have to give birth. I am beyond petrified to do so. I try to imagine what it would be like but cannot wrap my head around it. The fact that the thing a size of a watermelon is supposed to shoot out of me is baffling. I feel like I do well with pain, but the fact that I don’t know what to expect adds a whole new element to this. I just hope and pray that everything goes smoothly and at the end, the baby and I are healthy.

Relieved: I’m not gonna lie, pregnancy is rough! Like I said earlier, I spent so long dreaming of what it would be like to be pregnant. I would romanticize the whole thing. I used to pray to God with tears in my eyes begging him to bless me with the miracle of a child. I would say that I want EVERYTHING, the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I meant it. Every day of this pregnancy I thank God and know how truly blessed I am. That does not escape me for a minute. But…..pregnancy is ROUGH! That cannot be said enough! Everyone is different, and I know that compared to others, it has not been nearly that tough, and for that I am grateful. Saying that, I will be so relieved for the little things. I will be relieved that I can take Ibuprofen again, because Tylenol is shit! I have had several really bad migraines throughout this pregnancy, and that has sucked. Instead of popping 4 ibuprofen, I have to do the monotonous routine of Tylenol, caffeine, cold compress on neck and head, in a dead silent blacked out room. After repeating 10 times throughout 2 to 3 days, they go away! EXHAUSTING! I am also going to be relieved that I don’t have to wake up 900 times a night to pee. I am going to be relived to be able to sleep on my belly again, or anywhere except the sides I rotate on. All of which leave me with horrible Charlie horses in my legs and thighs, and every so often, little man will roll over on a nerve causing my side to go completely numb for a few moments. It is like a 3 ring circus in the middle of the night. All in all, I have had a pretty good pregnancy, but I still can’t wait to have my body back to being just mine, after breastfeeding of course! 

Sitting here and getting to write out all of these things, good and bad, make my heart feel so full. There are no words to express how blessed I feel and how surreal all of this has been. Registering for birthing class and breastfeeding class after having a weekend of putting together his furniture has made all of this seem a bit more real, but I still feel like I am living a dream! That is all of the updates I have for now, until next week when I go back for another growth scan and hopefully see that my little Rylan has grown. Thank you all for your love and support and taking the time to read this and be a part of this journey with me!