Making plans....

The more I have been thinking about it, the more comfortable I am feeling about the idea of trying to conceive with D. Over the past two months, things have been going really really good for us, and we have grown so much in the last month alone, and as scary as the idea was a while ago, it’s getting less scary and more exciting! I love him a lot, and the things that drove me crazy before have been working themselves out. We have been able to tackle a lot of the big problems, and the ones that are still left, we are working on and will be work on for a while. I keep thinking about what my life would look like if we were to have a child together, and as frustrating and complicated as it would be, it also looks so wonderful and amazing! I truly believe that he would be a good dad, and that he would actually stick around for us. I also believe that within a year, he should have his daughter in his life, which is something he now openly talks about and it pursuing and that makes me happy! I know it isn’t going to be all rainbows and kittens, there will be difficult times, but I still remain optimistic! I am a planner by nature, and I have been planning and making sure that if this is something I am going to pursue, than I want to make sure I am completely on board with it and I have planned for all outcomes. If it comes to it, I will be financially able to take care of a child on my own and still manage all of my bills. But again, I truly feel like he will stick with us and not run out. I have ideas for childcare and how I would raise the child. I feel like I have planned for everything as much as I can, though, if I have learned anything, it is that we can make all the plans in the world, but God has his own set of plans, and they may be completely different. I think I have come close to reaching a decision. For right now, I have ordered some testing supplies to see if I am even ovulating, which will help in determining if I need more medication than I thought. I am also going to pick up the medication that my doctor sent in to help me with my Luteal Phase Defect. I am preparing to start the process, but will not actually start it until I feel like we are both in a great place and have both agreed to this. I don’t anticipate starting it anytime soon, but it’s always nice to have everything you need just in case ;)

Going strong

Yesterday was 8 months that D and I have been dating, and I couldn’t be happier….well, that’s a lie, I COULD be happier, but at the moment, I really am happy! Things seem possible again. I feel like I could truly be happy and have a really great life! It’s crazy how it’s only been 8 months…it has flown by, but at the same time, it feels like I have known him forever! We get along really well, we have tons of fun together, and we really complement each other. Not gonna lie, it hasn’t been the easiest relationship, and we have definitely had our rough times, but we have come out stronger and better because of it. He is really easy to talk to, and when we do argue, we are able to take a step back, admit when we are wrong, and come up with solutions on how to fix it, or at least communicate better. It feels like an actual adult relationship! This relationship feels a lot different than my previous one. It is filled with passion, respect, understanding, honesty and loyalty, and a strong love. I haven’t felt this way before. I feel desired, and I desire him. We laugh, we connect, we listen, and when I am with him in a crowded room, I really feel like we are the only ones there. He stands out like a light in a dark room. He really has been the light in my life, and one of the biggest surprises! I never thought I could love again, nor did I think it was possible that I could be happy. I felt so alone, so discarded and easily replaceable. I saw everything I had dreamed about having slipping further and further away from me. It wasn’t until recently that I felt like it was finding its way back to me. This weekend, we were playing this cute video game Little Big Planet, which is a lot of fun and super cute! There are these little sock creatures that you get to dress up and change their appearance with little things you pick up along the way. We found a zombie bride and groom and changed our sock creatures into them. He made an off handed comment about me being a cute bride and for the first time, I wasn’t terrified and put off by hearing this. I actually pictured him proposing and it actually made me smile. He isn’t the ideal man, but he is perfect for me, and there are definitely things we need to work on before ever reaching that stage in our relationship, but I think I would be very happy if that ever happened! Seems strange that we talked about making a child before the marriage talk ever started. We are absolutely not the traditional couple. But I am done following the rules and sticking with tradition. I am living my life the way I feel is right, and I do deserve happiness, and I will have it. If one comes before the other, I am okay with that. I really do love D, and I could imagine a cute little life with him. Do I feel like this is a bit fast considering it’s only been 8 months? Yes and no. Yes in comparison to traditional relationships. And It is a bit fast in comparison to my last relationship, although, he moved in 6 months into dating, and we had only been dating a year when he proposed. So I guess I move fast by nature. Though I will say that I felt like I couldn’t get any better and sort of settled into that relationship because that was what I wanted. I loved him very much, but absolutely felt like I had reservations and rushed into it. With D, I feel like we are moving at a perfect pace for us and I am incredibly excited to see where this goes and what the future holds for us! For the first time in a long time, I am really optimistic about my future and it’s a great feeling!

Life is full of surprises

This last month has been nothing short of exhausting, but incredibly fun! I went on a mini vacay with my mother to Arizona to pick up some stuff and visit with my family. Anytime I get to spend even just a little bit of time with my Grandma, I take it! The trip was short but I took full advantage and had some fun with my Grandma. I then jetted off to Houston to spend time with my bestie and her new little bundle of joy! I had so much fun! We had some girl time, got to spend a little time talking, which we hadn’t done in a while, and I got to spend time with her adorable little man! There is something that holding a newborn baby does to your soul…it’s quite amazing! I absolutely cannot wait until the day I get to hold my little miracle! That trip made my summer! Upon returning, I was then swept away for a cute little romantic getaway to Pueblo. Okay, so normally Pueblo and romantic do not go together, but it actually took me by surprise and turned out that way. We got a nice room at a hotel, had a great dinner, and then went to the drive-in. I had never been to a drive-in before, and it was really cool and a ton of fun! The next morning, we had breakfast and went swimming, and made our way to the Pueblo Riverwalk and had a nice walk alongside of it. It truly was one of the best days! I am discovering that I have quite a bit of those with D. Just when I think things can’t get any better, I am pleasantly surprised that it does! I must fully admit that I have fallen head over heels for this man! He really does make me so incredibly happy! There are things that still drive me crazy about the boy, but the good far outweigh the bad! I have never experienced a relationship so filled with passion, romance, respect, adoration, and understanding. Nearly everything we do together turns out pretty amazing! We decided that we are going to do mini staycations throughout Colorado either every month or every other month. They are inexpensive, fun, and give us little mini adventures! I am really enjoying this part in our relationship. We are getting to know each other on a deeper level, experiencing things together and building memories, and really just enjoying being around one another! We talked a bit more about children, the fact that I desperately want one, and how he wants a stable family. We both decided to take some time to have a few more adventures, become more stable as a couple and really figure out who we are, and then we would revisit it in a few more months. It is so strange that someone I haven’t even known a year has come into my life and made me feel so comfortable, almost like we have known each other our whole lives. Everything just feels so right with him! I am so happy with how things turned out. I still have my down moments, and still find it hard to believe that everything happened the way it did, but if that is what I had to go through to become the person I am today and to be where I am at today, I am okay with it all! At this point, I am just looking forward to my future and cannot wait to see what it holds!