Ray of Hope

Perfect timing… Just as I write this long sappy post, I get some great news. My hubby’s doctor called us back, and said the blood panel they ran showed extremely low testosterone. That doesn’t necessarily sound like good news, but trust me, it is! This could be the very reason for his low count. So starting tomorrow, he is going to be on HCG shots 3 times a week as well as Arimidex pills 1/day. The doctors feel pretty good that this will greatly improve his count. He is at 500,000 and we need him to get to 3-5 million. I know it is a huge jump, but anything is possible, right?! Here’s hoping! I really feel like this is our saving grace! The hubby and I talked about skipping any further treatment and just going straight for IVF because we felt that the time/money wasted for treatment that may not work, would not be worth it. However, this option is fairly inexpensive, somewhere around $400, and we were going to have to wait anyway to do further testing and save for IVF. So I figure, if I can take $100 to the casino in hopes of winning more money, why can’t I apply that same theory with this. Spending $400 on a treatment plan that could save us $15,000…. Who could pass that up? I am really trying to stay positive and hopeful while also trying not to get my hopes up. It is definitely rough, both mentally and on our relationship. But I really feel in my heart that this will be it, this will be our miracle. I guess time will tell.

Long Overdue

Haven’t really felt like talking lately, but I thought it was about time for an update. Since the last time I blogged, a lot has happened! The hubby and I made an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) who specializes in fertility. It took about 7 phone calls to find the right place for us. We “stumbled” upon Conceptions Fertility Center in Denver. I use the quotes because it was no accident that we ended up there, they are a god send! Nervous and excited about our appointment, we headed up to Denver to find out what was going on. The people there were extremely nice, and I got such a great vibe from everyone, especially my doctor, she is incredible. We did the usual weight/height check and then went in for our consultation. She went through my entire history/tests/issues, then moved on to my husband. We started on his history then moved to his testing (Semen Analysis)  and that’s when our world was turned upside down. It turns out that my previous doctor severely misread his test and completely gave us false hope. I should have never been on Clomid as his count was so low, it really did nothing. On average, a male should produce something like 20 million sperm per time, and he was at 500,000. Our appointment for IUI had quickly changed to an appointment about male fertility. We were referred to a male specialist, put on vitamins and meds, and told to come back 3 months later for a retest as this should improve. The emotions were unlike anything experienced. We went from myself being the issue, to both of us. He felt like he was letting me down, which was not true at all! After a few weeks of adjustment, we returned to that positivity and faith that had felt lost. Faithfully, he took every vitamin and med, lost 40 pounds, and thanks to an article his mother passed along, ate a ton of walnuts. Three long months later, we returned for a retest. Those 15 minutes in the room waiting for the results were the longest moments of my life. The doctor returned with not so great news. The count did not change. We were presented with a  multitude of options ranging from genetic testing, MRI’s, more vitamins and pills, bloodwork, and more waiting. Turns out that anytime there is a change in treatment, a 3 month waiting period is needed. While the doctor was talking, I was calculating the time and money investment and it just was not desirable. Upon leaving, I immediately called my doctor, the RE, and asked her opinion. Her recommendation was that we try for IVF rather than investing so much into a procedure she did not feel confident in. She has always had our best interest at heart, so her opinion was extremely valued. After days of frustration, tears, anger, and remorse, we are now going to try for IVF. The only battle we face is the money. IVF runs upwards of $18,000. My husband and I are paycheck to paycheck people as I am sure many are these days, so to us, that amount of money is not something that is easily achievable. We have roughly a grand in savings, no rich relatives, no investments, and no valuables to sell. It feels so hopeless, but I HAVE to believe! I cannot lose hope! So the next thing for us to do is go through some more intricate testing that will tell us if anything else is wrong, and will give us an idea of our odds. Then it is on to financing and lots of extra jobs. A relative suggested fundraising, but I don’t know that I could ever as people for money. So here is hoping I either win the lottery or I stumble upon $18,000! I feel like talking about it rather than keeping it in is helping me tremendously. This is our life now, so why not get support from those we love! That is pretty much it for now, but I will leave you with a bible verse that is keeping me going.

“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Don’t worry how long it’s taking, your life is about to get exciting. Just wait for it! Don’t lose hope now, you’re so close. The answer you’ve been waiting for is almost here. Hang in there! The Lord is about to show you awesome things!