Under Pressure

Where there is a will, there is a way, or so I hear. This process has been nothing short of complicated! We had a wonderful few weeks, and then the fertility crap kicked in again! I started up a new round of Clomid, which went well as it usually does, but this time, something unexpected happened that threw everything off. I usually test starting CD9, which I did, but at CD11, which is when I got my 'high' reading last month. But this month, I immediately went from 'low' to a 'peak' reading. I was shocked, so not missing a beat, we tried that day. But something was telling me to check again. My monitor automatically kicks into computer mode when it detects a 'peak' and displays another peak the next day followed by a high and then back to low. Everything has to be perfectly timed. I rely on that monitor as to when I ovulate as I need to take the Crinone, If I take the Crinone before I actually ovulate, it cancels out ovulation and ruins everything! So I went to the store and picked up one of the ovulation predictor kits, which I had never used before, and much to my surprise, I actually did NOT ovulate. I actually ended up ovulating 4 days later. The stress among other factors contributed to lack of trying during that time. Frustrated and exhausted from the planning, we decided to explore other options. I Googled Reproductive Endocrinologists and it turns out that a new one opened up in my city a year ago. I called, and found out that to do an IUI is only $300. That is basically what I am paying each month to just try on our own, so I figured, lets see if this makes a difference and made an appointment for next week! D is totally on board and we seem to be just as excited as the other person that this may be the answer. So our consultation appointment will help us to understand the process and to hopefully set a date! I can't help but to feel positive and so hopeful! I feel this may be the answer. Many updates are to follow!

We not only had this news to celebrate about, but we also celebrated our 2 year anniversary! We decided to have a mini celebration weekend. We started off the day exchanging cards and kisses. When I got home from work, D had his adorable little girl A pretend to be a flower delivery girl and delivered to me these beautiful bouquet of pink roses and purple daisies! We went out to dinner at Red Lobster and had dessert at our city overlook! The next night, we took A bowling and played some arcade games, and we finished it off on Sunday with a movie date! Wonderful weekend with the love of my life! Feeling so incredibly blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude for this life I have been given! Cannot wait for the little adventures life takes us on!

New year, renewed hope

We have entered into 2015, a year filled with new beginnings and lots of exciting adventures in store! I am feeling incredibly hopeful this year, which is a feeling I haven’t felt in a very long time! Over the last few years, I have gone through a transformation that changed my perception of life. Three years ago, I felt hopeful, content, and filled with ignorant bliss. I had no idea that things in life could happen to me. I had this false sense of security in my life, and felt untouchable to all the devastation and upsets that can happen to someone through the course of life. Why? I’m not exactly sure. I think we get caught up the day to day and we always look for the good in life to make the mundane seem worth it. But life happens. I was so shocked that I was the one that was cheated on. I was baffled that this happened to me, because I was so damn sure that it wouldn't, that he was such a wonderful man and treated me so well, that why would he ever hurt me like that. Well, like I said, life happens. I was cheated on, just like millions of other women and became a divorcee before the age of 30. Our 6 year marriage down the tubes! That changed my outlook on life, and put me into this realm of negativity. I walk around with this shroud of pessimism hanging over me, just waiting for these things to happen to me. It is much easier to prepare for them and expect them rather than to return to the optimistic person I used to be and get blindsided again. I now expect that every man, no matter how amazing they are to me, will cheat and destroy me. I think that to every good thing that happens in my life, bad things are sure to follow. But realistically, I cannot prepare for every scenario in life, and I have no clue what will happen in my future. I am sure there will be countless amazing and wonderful things that I will experience as well as a ton of horrible and devastating things as well. That is life. So this year, I am really trying to work towards changing that about myself. I want to take that shroud that has been holding me down and destroy it. I want to be that optimistic person that was full of hope and great expectations. Truth is, I have a pretty good life. By the grace of God, I am living this life, and I am enjoying every minute, even the terrible ones, because tomorrow is  a new day, another day I get to live on this earth and be surrounded by the love I have from my family and friends near and far. Here is to a new year, a new me, a new perspective, and new beginnings! 2015 will be the year to beat!