Where has time gone?

Time, that is what the theme of the past few days has been. Yesterday marked one month that my world was turned upside down and destroyed. Today has been one month since I have seen the love of my life of nearly 10 years and the first holiday I have celebrated without him. Tomorrow will be one week since I have spoken to him. In 11 days it will be our 6^th year anniversary, and in 14 days it will be my birthday! All of these dates and realizations have hit my hard. I thought for sure he would be back in a week or so apologizing and begging me to work things out, and yet, there has been nothing. Every day that passes is just as hard as the day before and the loneliness and sadness increases. I can’t believe that this is happening, it is still a total shock to me. Through my life I have been a witness to many failed relationships. I have seen people who have become distant, lost interest, given up, and have inevitably ended. You could always pinpoint that exact moment when they started acting strange and their whole demeanor changes, you feel it in your relationship, in your mood and you know it’s nearing the end. That was not us. That is why I am having such a hard time believing that this is what he really wants. We did date nights 3 times a week, we would wander stores picking out things to decorate our house with or that inspired us to rearrange furniture. We would talk for hours about random things, about religion, hopes and dreams, future trips, retirement, world events, friends, pretty much anything. We cuddled all the time, feel asleep in each other’s arms, constantly told each other how in love we were and how much we meant to each other. We had that look in our eyes of love, lust, wonderment and longing. We did cutesy things and had little nicknames for each other. We would text or call each other several times a day, and we were planning a family together. All of this continued up until the day everything changed. There was no distance, no constant arguing, no unhappy moments, no cold shoulders, no clue that he ever wanted this. I will say it now and until the day I die, he does not want this as much as I don’t want this. He is lost, confused, and fighting some pretty big demons right now. I have faith that he will come back, I know he will! It just really sucks that I have to wait in agony for him to realize his true feelings. They say the greatest things in life are worth waiting for. And he is pretty great, in fact, he is an amazing person with so many wonderful qualities and I will not let these choices define who he is. This is not him, I know that. He just needs to remember who he is and how much we mean to each other. I love him with every beat of my heart and every breath that I take and will continue to do so for the rest of our life!