Toleration

I think that I am a pretty reasonable person with decent expectations for people. So I get a little irritated and upset when out of the three simple things that I asked D to do, he is failing at them all. When we talked about exclusively dating, I told him that in order for me to do that, I needed three things. I needed honesty, communication, and understanding. I don’t think they were unreasonable, in fact, they are what should be required in any relationship. So we had a discussion a week ago about both of us backing off of the dating site. A couple days after we agreed, I logged on to turn off the notifications I was receiving and I saw he was on there. He told me he was deleting it and actually did. So I let it go. He mentioned a few nights ago how he had another one on a different site and said he would delete it too. I was curious to see this other one so I googled it. As I was looking at it, I noticed he was showing up online on that site. I was furious! I tried not saying anything, but couldn’t. I called him on it and he told me he tried deleting it but didn’t have time so he didn’t yet. Then he became irritated with me and made a snarky comment about the fact that I have trust issues! So not only did he fail at communicating with me, he was also dishonest and was not understanding of how I felt in that situation or my trust issues. I was pretty upset! I began to question how much I really want this in my life. I really like him….a lot in fact, but he makes it so damn hard! I did think about how I would feel if he was no longer in my life, and that changed how I felt. There is something that this guy has that makes me go crazy for him. I don’t understand it! A friend and I talked about deal breakers before I started online dating and the things that were turnoffs or things that I would not tolerate. This guy has tested quite a few of these and even broke a few of them yet he is still here! I went to my friends house last night and got her impression of D, and much to my surprise, she really liked him. She told me she hopes that things work out between us because she was really impressed by him and thinks we are good together. That also made me see things differently and drew me closer to him. He is so different from everything I was used to, and that can be good and bad. It is just this strange adjustment period that has made things so difficult. I very much like D and also kind of hope he sticks for a while…I want to see where this goes. He is an amazing person and we have so much chemistry and incredible sex! I definitely think he is worth keeping! Just have to get through these speed bumps and work some things out…time is all we need!