A dose of reality

I had a dose of reality yesterday as I entered the office of a family law lawyer to discuss my divorce. This is all so strange and sickening! I never thought that we would end up at this point. I figured that all that was needed was a cool down period and then we would be back to ourselves and working on our marriage. To look back on the last 5 months, it has been absolutely insane! For the most part, I am dealing with things relatively well considering. I am incredibly strong and every day it gets easier. There are still those moments that I just completely fall apart, but I hear those are normal. Like yesterday for instance…I had to call my soon to be ex-husband to inform him of what I learned from the lawyer and to discuss certain issues. Most of the conversation went pretty well, but it did get heated at some points. The hardest part of the whole conversation was when I broke down crying and told him that I never thought we would end up like this. He agreed and said he thought we could get through anything, but he also informed me that 3 months prior, he talked to his friend about the fact that he wanted to leave me. Not only did it hurt, but it pissed me off! He could tell his friend such an intimate detail about our life, but he couldn’t inform me, nor could he be honest…instead, he had to cheat on me and hurt me so badly to end it! I apparently wasn’t worth the truth or respect. And the fact that he just gave up so easily, he just walked away from it all…but said we could get through anything. Kind of hard to get through something when the other person gives up and wipes his hands of your relationship! The conversation left me feeling relieved about the direction we are going in now, but also put me back into that sadness of the person/relationship that I am losing! The absolute hardest thing was hearing that he still loves me! That killed me! I still love him, very much, but I know that it just wasn’t meant to be. I am okay, and will be okay. Every day it gets easier, it hurts less, and I miss him less. The thing I am very thankful for is the fact that I have D in my life. He is such an amazing person and has been such a help through this. I know it can’t be easy hearing the person you are currently dating crying over her ex, but he has been so supportive and encouraging through all of this… I am so lucky and so thankful! I really like this guy, a lot in fact, and I hope he sticks around for a while! I am very excited about Valentine’s Day, which is a complete turnaround from a few months ago. We are going to cook dinner and dessert together and then watch our favorite cheesy romantic movies together. He is so wonderful! I just have to focus on the things that I have instead of the things that I do not have, and work toward a wonderful future! Not sure what it holds, but I will enjoy the journey there!