New Year's Eve

Today is the last day of 2012, and I couldn’t be happier. This year has been absolutely horrible! 2013 has got to be better! This weekend was a weekend of realizations. Two weeks ago, I saw my husband for the first time in over a month. It started out pretty decent and ended terribly. We were both arguing and emotions were running high. At one point he told me he wanted to talk about us and our future but said he no longer felt like it since I was “showing my true colors”. Not only did that make me incredibly angry, but it really confused me. I had been slowly preparing myself for the fact that he may never come back, and then suddenly, a glimmer of hope reappeared. When he said that, I broke down and he left, never speaking about what needed to be said. A friend of mine told me about what her and her ex-husband did that was inspired by Sex and the City. Each person reflects upon their relationship, and thinks about their future and decides if they want to give it another go. A date and time are set in the near future at a specific place, and if they decide to try again, they show up. I thought this would be a grand romantic gesture that would also allow us to say what we wanted to do or what was in our hearts without speaking. I sent him a letter describing how I felt and told him that if he wanted to give us a second chance then meet me on Sunday December 30^th at 2pm in front of the movie theater where we had our first date. I got no response. Time went on and the day was approaching. On Saturday, he came to the house to visit our dog and I was out. I returned home to a note saying that he would not be meeting me so it is best not to waste my time. I was crushed. I really wasn’t sure how it would turn out, part of me thought he would show up while the other part thought he would disappoint me. It was decided right then and there with a simple fucking note. I sent him a text and thanked him for deciding and asked him to file paperwork this week. I am so hurt and devastated. I thought he loved me, and I thought he would be the one man in my life that would never hurt me or cheat on me. I was wrong, dead wrong! So I sit here on New Year’s Eve with my life in shambles so unsure of my future and knowing that soon I will be divorced. I will have an ex-husband and a ruined image of men. He took so much from me and it sucks! I really love him but at the same time, I hate him! I hate how he could do this to me. How time after time, he could rip my heart out like it was nothing. I hate how he ruined my life! I hate how he could so easily leave and be with someone else like he has no conscience. That was probably the worst moment of my life. So I guess in 2013 I will look forward to receiving my papers. I don’t know what my future holds, but it HAS to be better than this. I had someone tell me that I see the good in the world, and that is how I remain optimistic, however, I really feel like that is something else he took from me because it is really hard to stay positive and hopeful that I will one day be happy when all of this has happened to me. I hope that this year restores my positivity, brings me good luck, introduces me to a man who sees just how wonderful I am, and puts me back on the path to happiness.

Happy New Years to all! May this year be all you ever dreamed of!