Word of the day

The word TRUTH has been thrown around a lot today in various conversations. I have a ton of things that come to my mind every time I hear that word so I thought I would get them out. When I think of truth, I immediately think about myself and wonder if I am being truthful. I think about the things I have said and done recently and reflect on things I have said and done in the past. I like to think of myself as a fairly honest person. I may throw around a lie or two about having a headache or how many cookies I have eaten, but for the most part, I am honest. I think because as a child growing up, I had a lot of fake people in my life that were incredibly dishonest and it hurt me. I never understood why someone would choose to lie. I also felt slighted like for some reason, I did not deserve the truth. It wasn’t until I got into my teen years that I discovered that there were in fact many reasons why people lied. I realized that if I lied to my mom about the things I have done wrong, that I wouldn’t have to face the consequences and admit my wrong doings. I mean, who likes to admit when they have done something wrong? My first few lies flew out and landed as if they were meant to. I never gave it a second thought. Then one day, I told a lie that turned into a bigger lie and when I got caught in both, I had to confess and bear witness to the look of disappointment in my mom’s eyes. Then the realization that I had become one of those people, one of the people who had hurt me with their lies. That changed how I viewed situations and the choices I made. I am not saying I have never lied since then, because that in itself would be a lie, but I definitely make a solid effort in trying not to lie and be as open and honest as I can.

Today, I received a message from a frenemie. I call her this, because I tried on more than one occasion to befriend her, but the type of person she is prevented us from ever becoming friends. This message was a very vague message simply asking me why I do not like her and she thought I was targeting her for something. As I confronted her and the many reasons why we are not friends, she began spewing out information and admitting to the countless lies she told me. The one that shocked me the most actually hurts the most. We worked at a place together for a year or so, and while we were working together, we were also hanging out frequently. A few co-workers approached me one day and told me that I should know that she has been saying horrible things about me. She told them how I was a horrible and lazy person, I didn’t deserve to be with my (at the time) fiancé, and he would be so much happier with her. Keep in mind, at that time, she was engaged as well. I was hurt and devastated. A few nights later, it was driving me crazy and I confronted her. She cried and said she didn’t say anything like that and these co-workers hated her and were making her life hell telling a bunch of lies. So, I put it all aside, and continued on my way, never fully believing her. She admitted today that she said those things. I just don’t understand people and their motives. Did I really deserve to be lied to and talked about in that way? Lies hurt and destroy people. I am so sick of being lied to! I would rather have no interaction with people at all then to be lied to once.

I just found it ironic that the same day I keep hearing truth, this comes out. I pride myself on my honesty and will continue to live that way!