Irrationality

As I am entering this whole new phase in my life in which I am starting a new relationship...I realize just how ridiculous I can act in a new relationship, especially with how my last one turned out. The other night, D was at home, and I was at my home. We had been communicating through messages for the past few days. Yesterday, I didn't really hear from him very much. I was working and I figured he was hanging with friends and getting things together for his new job (YAY) so I didn't put too much into it. Later that night, I sent him a message that was short and simple, but left it open ended hoping I would hear from him. An hour or so passed, I logged back on to Facebook (Our means of communication) and saw that he read it but he didn't respond. I sent another little message and waiting. It was read but I was still left with no response. I began to get irritated. I finally said screw it and I sent him a message letting him know that even though he was ignoring me, I still wanted him to have a good night and I would talk to him in the morning. I immediately got a response. He said that he didn't mean to come off like he was ignoring me and he asked how my night was. I let him know that it was going well and that I really missed him. I then asked him how his night was. After 10 minutes of no response, I asked him if he was okay or if I did anything wrong. He said that I was being silly and made a cute little remark. I asked him again how his night was....no response. I felt a sick feeling in my stomach and my head jumped to the worst possible scenario. Why else would he not share how is night was? It was like he was avoiding the question. I became panicky and irritated. I told him goodnight, and shortly after that, he responded with how his night was. It was at that moment that I realized how ridiculous I had become and how jaded I am. I immediately assume that he is cheating. How freaking lame! Will I always think this way? Will I always assume the worst even though he hasn't given me a reason to? Will I ever trust another man again? Even just asking myself these questions made me depressed! Just another fucking thing he did to me! Will his curse ever end?! Next Sunday is my 6th anniversary, and even though I am thrilled to be with D, I am still very sad and slightly angry that he did these things to me! He was the one man I trusted more than anyone in the world and I just knew with everything I had that he would never hurt me or cheat on me! Shows you how blind love is and taught me to not take anything for granted....nothing is a for sure thing. I guess this will just be another thing that will take time to heal. I just feel awful that D has to suffer my absurd behavior all because my ex did what he did to me. I am very lucky that D is as understanding and as patient as he is! I really like this man a whole lot and I pray for his continued patience.