Testing Testing 1..2..3..

Well, I caved in and tested this morning, and ya know, I will never get used to seeing a negative result. It is an absolutely horrible feeling. In your head, or at least in mine, I imagine what it would be like to look down at that little stick and see all of your hopes, and dreams come to life. I imagine looking into my husband’s eyes and telling him that his dreams have come true, and telling my mom that she will be a grandmother. I think about all of this in the 3 minute wait, and as soon as I look down, they all shatter around me. All I am left with is a broken heart, a sick feeling, and a stick that I had peed on. I honestly feel numb at this point. I know that there is still a possibility that I could be pregnant and I was just testing early, and there is still a possibility that I could get my period. I just want something to happen, ANYTHING! I don’t want to be in limbo, that terrifies me more than anything. I just keep thinking about the “what if’s”. What if I didn’t get my period and all of the cramping is something more serious? What if there is something wrong that prevents us from continuing forward on this journey? What if this is the start of more health problems? All of this is making me sick! I am finding it so hard to stay positive! I just want that stick to show a positive for once in my life! Why does this all have to be so frustrating and hard! I just feel so defeated today, and this rainy weather is not helping! I hope that there will be light at the end of the tunnel, just pray we get there soon! Don’t know how much more of this I can take!