The human mind, or less vague,
my mind can be a tricky thing. It can sway your mood, convince you of things
that may or may not be there, and can make you feel absolutely crazy. I pretty
much experience this every month. While I am told that it may be nearly
impossible to conceive naturally, I still hold out hope for that miracle. So as
a new cycle approaches, I then jump back into my habitual self torture. I start
out with a positive attitude, mix in charting and perfectly timed bedroom sessions,
and then follow it up with the dreaded two week wait. These two weeks can be
the most excruciating weeks a woman can go through, at least for me. I am not
patient in the least, never have been. I
guess that is why I never did too well in the dating game. I need to know how
you feel and where this is going soon. That is why I thank god every day for
sending me someone as impatient as I am! So to reiterate, I AM IMPATIENT AS
HELL! So during this two week wait, my mind goes absolutely crazy! I begin to
imagine the possibility of conceiving this month. How exciting it would be to
tell our story of how God surprised us with a little miracle, how exciting it
would be to tell my husband and mother the wonderful news, and how wonderful it
would be to have worked so hard and it pay off. I somehow convince myself that
this is a real possibility, and then it goes downhill from here. Every day I
over analyze my emotions, movements, feelings, and basically obsess over any
symptom that I have that could be remotely related to pregnancy. Even though I
promised myself I would not do it, I break my promise and Google everything I
can think of. I build my hopes up so high, that when my period comes, I pretty
much have an emotional breakdown, every time! As I am writing this, I am literally
thinking about how much I want to Google, and the keywords I would use. If you
can't tell, I am in my two week wait, going through my self-torture and
praying, wishing, and hoping for a miracle! Don't be surprised if I am back
next week with another depressing and anger filled rant! Now, off to Google.....
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