Greater things are ahead

Through all of my depressed moments, there has been one thing that constantly pulls me out, and that is my desire and passion to be a mother. That is why my decision was so easy....by November, I am going to start the insemination process using a donor! I made the decision because I am tired of waiting! I thought about this month's ago, but threw the idea out because I thought about what a selfish decision I would be making. I would be bringing a child into the world without a father and that alone would make them miss out on so much. So I kind of buried the idea and let it go until I had an amazing conversation with one of my best friends. I told her my idea and how silly I thought it was but she didn’t think so. She asked me why I felt like they would be missing out and I explained the disappointment I had with my father basically abandoning me and not caring enough to be in the picture. She asked me if there was anything besides abandonment that I felt or if I has specifically missed out on anything. I sat there reflecting and I couldn’t think of anything. My mother had been both mom and dad to me, and I had so much love, laughter, good times, encouragement, and compassion that it felt like 2 people. She helped me realize that even though I would be doing this without a man; there wouldn’t be that feeling of abandonment because there would never be a man in the picture. The child would always know where they came from and there would be more love than they would know what to do with. There were upsides to this as well….the child would be solely mine, I wouldn’t have to deal with custody drama, and if somewhere down the line I have a stable and loving relationship, that man could always adopt that child. I became instantly excited and equally obsessed. I have had mixed reactions from this, but I think all in all everyone would love and support me and the child. I know for a fact that I have an amazing support system and that helps solidify my decision even more! So for the time being, I am going to continue weight loss, and prepare my body and bank account for the upcoming procedure! I cannot wait!