Dooms Day

Every woman trying to concieve will tell you that dreaded day when your period comes can only be described as dooms day! A day when you can literally see the dreams and hopes you had shatter into oblivion. It has got to be one of the worst pains a woman can feel. Not only are you devistated that you are not pregnant, but you begin to question your health and if you can even get pregnant, and then the guilt sets in. Guilty that you are letting your husband down, guilty that you could have taken better care of yourself for preparation, guilty that you waited so long to start trying. All of these emotions you feel at once, just by examining that toilet paper. Playing the waiting game can be excruciating, until the moment you realize that all the hard work and planning was all for not. Then its back to the begining. back to the charting, the planning, the waiting, and inevitably, the disappointment. It weighs so heavily on you that it almost seems not worth it. Its like the whole, "It's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all." theory. Would it have been better to have never tried, or to try and face that heart break every month! You keep telling your self that it will happen, and you can't wait for when the day comes, and you know it will happen, becasue how could God be so cruel to keep something from you that you have wanted your whole life! Then you hear friends and family tell you that it will happen when the time is right, which personally kills me! We are trying because we believe the time is right! And if that saying is true, why are teenagers popping out kids, becasue I am pretty sure that is not great timing! If it seems like I am bitter, I pretty much am. This whole process takes a toll on your heart, mind, spiritual sanity, and your attitude. Right now, I pretty much have an I don't give a damn attitude! I feel that I may have given up........