I cannot believe I am
only a few weeks away from being halfway through this pregnancy!! That is crazy
and truly amazing! Things have been going well, despite a few bumps in the
road, pun totally intended!
At 12 weeks, I went in
for a nuchal translucency scan where they measure the babies neck and do
bloodwork to see if the baby has any genetic markers for down syndrome as well
as a few other chromosomal disorders. The test came back normal, and came with
a surprise….it’s a BOY! I had a feeling. Not only did I have that very real and
vivid dream, but as soon as I saw the little squirmy worm on the ultrasound, I
just knew it was a boy. I was a bit bummed because I had always wanted a girl, but that quickly faded, and now I am
just ecstatic that I am having a boy!
I went in for a doctor’s
appointment around week 15, and got to finally hear the heartbeat. I had only
been able to see it, but to hear it was such a wonderful experience, it was so
magical! My doctor talked to me about another test she wanted me to do, and
that was to test for Spina Bifida. My mother has it, and my brother passed away
a few hours after birth because of his rare form of it, so she thought it made
sense to test for it. I did the blood work, and a few days after, my UCHealth
App, where I get all of my testing updates, pinged. I clicked on the test
result, and completely lost my breath. The prescreen test showed a positive.
When I caught my breath, tears started flowing. I felt so scared and so
helpless. I called and talked with my mom, and thankfully, my doctor called me
a few minutes after. She told me not to worry, that it was a prescreen and was
not definite. I would need to get an ultrasound to get more definitive answers.
I read that test result over and over, feeling like it was not real, and still
stunned. Later that evening, as I was reading it in its entirety to my mom, we
realized I missed a part. At the very bottom, it included that because the
numbers were so high, that it had to be a first relative that has it, and
therefore, can transfer it. The mother likely has it. In that moment I felt
both relieved and guilty. Guilty because I had it, had never been tested, and
irresponsibly could have passed it on. And relieved, because both my mother and
I have it, and have had completely normal lives with little to no setbacks
because of it. At this point, it is in God’s hands. All we can do is pray and
prepare ourselves the best we can for our ultrasound May 11th. If
you are reading this, please send a little prayer or good thought our way, it
would be truly appreciated! No matter what, this boy, this miracle of a boy is
going to be so loved and have the absolute best life we can give him!
Every day, I thank God
how lucky I am to be here with this blessing growing inside of me. But there is
not a single day that goes by that I remember how hard it has been to get here,
and how painful the journey was. This week is National Infertility Awareness
week, and I want to let anyone suffering with infertility know, you are not
alone. This is the hardest thing I have gone through in my life, and I will
never take it for granted. Never give up, never lose hope, and know that you
have love and support around you. Please do not ever feel like it is your
fault, and never be ashamed to talk about it. It happens, and the pain is real.
Sending love and prayers to you all!
