Coming to the end of an era

Well….I have now entered the last year of my 20’s, kind of sad and definitely not looking forward to next year’s birthday! I do have to say, that is was probably the best birthday of my 20’s, so if it has to come to an end, I’m glad it ended this way! The morning started by fresh baked cinnamon rolls and coffee in bed by my wonderful boyfriend. When I finally emerged out of that heaven, I made my way to the living room where him and my mom had decorated. I got to open a gift and a card early and was ecstatic to see an Itunes Gift Card in that little box! We talked for a bit and slowly migrated off on our separate ways to work. When I arrived at work, my cubicle was decorated by one of my best friends and an awesome cup of coffee was waiting for me! Mid morning, I was asked to come to the front desk and was wildly surprised by the beautiful bouquet of roses sitting on the desk all for me!  They came with a wonderful card and instantly put a smile on my face! My amazing boyfriend has outdone himself! They were perfect! Lunch was a decadent three course meal at this fantastic restaurant in the Springs and was perfectly paired with the chocolate cake that my boss had brought it! We did dinner at a delicious hibachi restaurant with friends and a really yummy adult drink and was followed by gifts and dessert at the house. I felt spoiled as I opened my wonderful gifts of kitchen accessories, fuzzy socks, lotions and perfumes, and a season of American Horror Story! It had to have been just one of the best days! Who knew that it could get better?! I took the next day off of work and slept in until 10 which was magical! I did some randomness around the house and finally ventured out to be a bit rebellious and got my nose pierced, which I am in love with! I picked up D right after work and he told me to take him to best buy. We walked in and he took me over to the electronics and told me that he is buying me a tablet. I had a look of pure shock on my face! He told me that he wants to do this because of all the sweet things I did for him and how I let him borrow my laptop while he was unemployed. I couldn’t believe how selfless this man was! I have never had a gift like this and honestly, I felt so guilty for it! He finally convinced me and we walked away with a Surface 2! I am still speechless and feel insanely spoiled! I wanted to thank him and I couldn’t think of a better way than to surprise him with a little getaway with the birthday money I received to celebrate 10 months. We went to this cute little hotel just outside of Denver on Saturday night. We did dinner at Cheesecake Factory and an awesome walk around a fantastic mall that was covered in Christmas decor! The night was perfect…filled with love, passion, romance, and fun! I couldn’t have asked for a better night! This had honestly been one of the best weekends ever! I had no idea that I could ever be this happy! D is truly a remarkable person and I fall in love with him more and more every day! I get excited to see where this goes and the future we will have together! I don’t know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man, but I thank God everyday! On a side note…I think we are talking about starting my meds in January to see if we can conceive. It makes me super nervous and excited at the same time, but I feel like it is the right decision and I feel like we are making good and rational choices. We are still in the talking phase of this and nothing has been decided, but it makes me very happy!

It's the simple things

I had to take some time out of the night to write about tonight so that I never forget this moment. Tonight, D and I came downstairs after grabbing some dinner and settled in to some relaxation which includes video games for him and television for me. No good shows were on tonight until late, so I decided to throw on "The Perks of Being a Wallflower". I asked him if he had ever seen it and he said that he saw bits and pieces. He asked me the same, and I told him that I took myself out to see this in theaters alone. This came out in October of last year, just shortly after my husband had left me. I remember sitting alone in the dark theater thinking that my life was just pure shit. I hadn't felt that kind of loneliness and emptiness in my life. The movie was incredible, but there was this one line in the movie that instantly reduced me to a weeping hot mess. "We accept the love we think we deserve"....such a power phrase. All I could think was that I must not feel like I deserve much since I am begging this man to stay in my life who could treat me so poorly. How could I want a man back that clearly didn't love me?! At that moment, I felt like I hit rock bottom. I was broken and destroyed. At that moment, I felt like I lost everything and there was absolutely no way that I could ever be happy or have anything remotely as wonderful as I had it. Fast forward to tonight....I have this wonderful man beside me that put his game away, and sat beside me holding my hand and kissing the top of my head. All of this because he wanted the second time I saw this movie to be wonderful to make up for the first time I saw it. The very end has a sweet little line to the affect of looking up and seeing a beautiful woman....suddenly, a hand gently caressed my cheek and slowly moved it to face him. He looked at me and told me I was so beautiful and kissed me. That moment, I felt more love than I have ever before. This man did something so simple but meant the absolute world to me. I never could have imagined that my life would look like this today. I didn't feel like I deserved anything, let alone an ounce of love. I told D that was how I felt a year ago. He told me that I was so sweet and wonderful, and deserved all the love in the world. I am absolutely in love with this man. I don't know how it happened, but I would do it a million times over just for him. It's amazing how much can change in just one year. Every tear, every pain, every crappy moment was absolutely worth the end result. I am so happy! Thank you to the man that threw me away so that the man who appreciates me and loves me could appear and sweep me off my feet!

Time flies when you are having fun!

Been a while since I have had the time to write a new post….guess that’s a good thing! Things have been going exceptionally well! It has officially been over a year since my now ex-husband left me. It has been an incredibly rough year, but I wouldn’t have traded it for anything! I learned so much about myself in such a short amount of time and feel like I have really grown as a person. I found strength I didn’t even know I had, realized that I do have the ability to lose weight and make life changes, and achieved things I didn’t know were possible. All of this didn’t come easy, and came with a lot of heartache and regret and made me a little more guarded and jaded but also left some wounds of insecurity and an inability to fully trust. I look back and am so proud at what I have done and all I have accomplished! I also look back and realize just how happy I really am at this point in my life! Life may not have worked out like I had planned, but I am pleasantly surprised in just how wonderful it has become! D was probably one of the biggest and best surprises in my life! I found his sexy little profile pic on my dating site search and got the courage to message him doubting that he would respond, and to my astonishment, he did respond! Our first date was rough, but the little kiss at the end had so much chemistry in it that I just had to have a second date, and I am so happy that we did! Every day that I spend with him gets better and better and I fall more in love with him every day! He isn’t perfect by any means, but he makes me happy and I really see great things in our future! We are coming up on 10 months of being together, but it honestly feels like we have known each other for years! I am constantly amazed by him and my love for him. I didn’t think it was possible to love again, and I have never felt such passion and lust for someone or felt that passion and lust for me. I decided last week to ask D to move in with me….he pretty much does anyway, but this will make it more official! I do find it kind of silly that we were talking about making a child together before we talked about living together! We are so not the norm by any means! Looking forward to having him live with me….I miss him so much when he is gone! And as far as the child thing goes…I am currently testing my ovulation and plan to lose another 20 pounds before we try. I am hoping to talk more about it and see where we are around the first of the year! I feel so blessed and so happy and optimistic about life now! I can’t wait to see what happens for us!

Making plans....

The more I have been thinking about it, the more comfortable I am feeling about the idea of trying to conceive with D. Over the past two months, things have been going really really good for us, and we have grown so much in the last month alone, and as scary as the idea was a while ago, it’s getting less scary and more exciting! I love him a lot, and the things that drove me crazy before have been working themselves out. We have been able to tackle a lot of the big problems, and the ones that are still left, we are working on and will be work on for a while. I keep thinking about what my life would look like if we were to have a child together, and as frustrating and complicated as it would be, it also looks so wonderful and amazing! I truly believe that he would be a good dad, and that he would actually stick around for us. I also believe that within a year, he should have his daughter in his life, which is something he now openly talks about and it pursuing and that makes me happy! I know it isn’t going to be all rainbows and kittens, there will be difficult times, but I still remain optimistic! I am a planner by nature, and I have been planning and making sure that if this is something I am going to pursue, than I want to make sure I am completely on board with it and I have planned for all outcomes. If it comes to it, I will be financially able to take care of a child on my own and still manage all of my bills. But again, I truly feel like he will stick with us and not run out. I have ideas for childcare and how I would raise the child. I feel like I have planned for everything as much as I can, though, if I have learned anything, it is that we can make all the plans in the world, but God has his own set of plans, and they may be completely different. I think I have come close to reaching a decision. For right now, I have ordered some testing supplies to see if I am even ovulating, which will help in determining if I need more medication than I thought. I am also going to pick up the medication that my doctor sent in to help me with my Luteal Phase Defect. I am preparing to start the process, but will not actually start it until I feel like we are both in a great place and have both agreed to this. I don’t anticipate starting it anytime soon, but it’s always nice to have everything you need just in case ;)

Going strong

Yesterday was 8 months that D and I have been dating, and I couldn’t be happier….well, that’s a lie, I COULD be happier, but at the moment, I really am happy! Things seem possible again. I feel like I could truly be happy and have a really great life! It’s crazy how it’s only been 8 months…it has flown by, but at the same time, it feels like I have known him forever! We get along really well, we have tons of fun together, and we really complement each other. Not gonna lie, it hasn’t been the easiest relationship, and we have definitely had our rough times, but we have come out stronger and better because of it. He is really easy to talk to, and when we do argue, we are able to take a step back, admit when we are wrong, and come up with solutions on how to fix it, or at least communicate better. It feels like an actual adult relationship! This relationship feels a lot different than my previous one. It is filled with passion, respect, understanding, honesty and loyalty, and a strong love. I haven’t felt this way before. I feel desired, and I desire him. We laugh, we connect, we listen, and when I am with him in a crowded room, I really feel like we are the only ones there. He stands out like a light in a dark room. He really has been the light in my life, and one of the biggest surprises! I never thought I could love again, nor did I think it was possible that I could be happy. I felt so alone, so discarded and easily replaceable. I saw everything I had dreamed about having slipping further and further away from me. It wasn’t until recently that I felt like it was finding its way back to me. This weekend, we were playing this cute video game Little Big Planet, which is a lot of fun and super cute! There are these little sock creatures that you get to dress up and change their appearance with little things you pick up along the way. We found a zombie bride and groom and changed our sock creatures into them. He made an off handed comment about me being a cute bride and for the first time, I wasn’t terrified and put off by hearing this. I actually pictured him proposing and it actually made me smile. He isn’t the ideal man, but he is perfect for me, and there are definitely things we need to work on before ever reaching that stage in our relationship, but I think I would be very happy if that ever happened! Seems strange that we talked about making a child before the marriage talk ever started. We are absolutely not the traditional couple. But I am done following the rules and sticking with tradition. I am living my life the way I feel is right, and I do deserve happiness, and I will have it. If one comes before the other, I am okay with that. I really do love D, and I could imagine a cute little life with him. Do I feel like this is a bit fast considering it’s only been 8 months? Yes and no. Yes in comparison to traditional relationships. And It is a bit fast in comparison to my last relationship, although, he moved in 6 months into dating, and we had only been dating a year when he proposed. So I guess I move fast by nature. Though I will say that I felt like I couldn’t get any better and sort of settled into that relationship because that was what I wanted. I loved him very much, but absolutely felt like I had reservations and rushed into it. With D, I feel like we are moving at a perfect pace for us and I am incredibly excited to see where this goes and what the future holds for us! For the first time in a long time, I am really optimistic about my future and it’s a great feeling!

Life is full of surprises

This last month has been nothing short of exhausting, but incredibly fun! I went on a mini vacay with my mother to Arizona to pick up some stuff and visit with my family. Anytime I get to spend even just a little bit of time with my Grandma, I take it! The trip was short but I took full advantage and had some fun with my Grandma. I then jetted off to Houston to spend time with my bestie and her new little bundle of joy! I had so much fun! We had some girl time, got to spend a little time talking, which we hadn’t done in a while, and I got to spend time with her adorable little man! There is something that holding a newborn baby does to your soul…it’s quite amazing! I absolutely cannot wait until the day I get to hold my little miracle! That trip made my summer! Upon returning, I was then swept away for a cute little romantic getaway to Pueblo. Okay, so normally Pueblo and romantic do not go together, but it actually took me by surprise and turned out that way. We got a nice room at a hotel, had a great dinner, and then went to the drive-in. I had never been to a drive-in before, and it was really cool and a ton of fun! The next morning, we had breakfast and went swimming, and made our way to the Pueblo Riverwalk and had a nice walk alongside of it. It truly was one of the best days! I am discovering that I have quite a bit of those with D. Just when I think things can’t get any better, I am pleasantly surprised that it does! I must fully admit that I have fallen head over heels for this man! He really does make me so incredibly happy! There are things that still drive me crazy about the boy, but the good far outweigh the bad! I have never experienced a relationship so filled with passion, romance, respect, adoration, and understanding. Nearly everything we do together turns out pretty amazing! We decided that we are going to do mini staycations throughout Colorado either every month or every other month. They are inexpensive, fun, and give us little mini adventures! I am really enjoying this part in our relationship. We are getting to know each other on a deeper level, experiencing things together and building memories, and really just enjoying being around one another! We talked a bit more about children, the fact that I desperately want one, and how he wants a stable family. We both decided to take some time to have a few more adventures, become more stable as a couple and really figure out who we are, and then we would revisit it in a few more months. It is so strange that someone I haven’t even known a year has come into my life and made me feel so comfortable, almost like we have known each other our whole lives. Everything just feels so right with him! I am so happy with how things turned out. I still have my down moments, and still find it hard to believe that everything happened the way it did, but if that is what I had to go through to become the person I am today and to be where I am at today, I am okay with it all! At this point, I am just looking forward to my future and cannot wait to see what it holds!

Redemption

This weekend was probably one of the best weekends I have ever had! D and I were able to talk and get through our rough time on Thursday and we decided to get away for the weekend. We headed up to Denver for a weekend to celebrate us, get away from everything and everyone and just unwind! We left Saturday morning and made a pit stop at the outlet mall in Castle Rock. Found some amazing deals and really had fun just shopping and strolling arm in arm with him. By the time we left, we made it to our hotel in the early evening. We picked a pretty great hotel....it was cheaper than most but was actually quite perfect. We had a room that had a little living room in it and made it look like a little studio apartment. The best part was this beautiful lake right next to the hotel! We have this affinity for lakes which I love, and it really helped in the decision making process on where to stay. Once we got into the room, we were trying to decide on what to do, and he left something in the car that would help us decide, so he went down to get it. During that time, I decided to pull out my surprise now...I bought myself lingerie, which I have NEVER done before. I really feel comfortable around him and wanted to do something out of the ordinary and wanted to feel sexy, which I have also never done before. The look on his face was absolutely worth every bit of money spent on it. I have never felt more desired in my life. It was extraordinary! I just melted! We decided that the theme for the night should be just that, doing things outside of our norm and really just enjoying each other's company. We headed toward downtown Denver and our first stop was the Cheesecake Factory for a really nice and romantic dinner. We had this cute little secluded booth that was so perfect. With full bellies, we left the restaurant and headed out on 16th Street Mall. We heard something like a concert going on and as we approached, we discovered it was a huge movie screen set up in this park in the middle of downtown and it was showing E.T. We were over the moon excited that we actually get to participate in this cute little event! It was amazing to cuddle together in the grass as a nice breeze blew across us, watching E.T. and getting to enjoy the beautiful cityscape as a backdrop! The movie ended and we continued on our way down the mall, this time ending up at Starbucks for some late night coffee. As we were leaving, the guy behind the counter smiled at us admiring how in love we looked and offered us some dessert on him! We spent the rest of our time taking in the scenery and stopping to listen to a jazz band on the balcony of a shop. We stopped at a liquor store on the strip and got a bottle of wine and spent the rest of our night next to the lake talking, cuddling and making love. It was the most romantic and wonderful night! I couldn't have asked for anything better! That weekend was exactly what we needed, and brought us closer. I can honestly say that I am totally in love with this man! It has taken me by complete surprise, but I couldn't be happier!