Staring down the dark tunnel

I am not wealthy…have never been wealthy and will probably never be wealthy. I am okay with that! I have grown up with very little in my life but never really felt like I was missing out on anything. Of course there were times where I had to skip out on events with friends because of funds, but for the most part, I was content with what I had and never went without important things. As I have grown up and have made purchases throughout my adult life, I have really come to value what I have and always make sure I take care of the things I have. Even the simplest of things I treasure. I am not a materialistic person. Do I wish I had more things or newer things? Yes, but who doesn’t?! But it doesn’t ruin my life or control it. That was one of the biggest problems in my marriage. He came from money and though we didn’t have much of it in our relationship, he always made a big deal about the things we had and never seemed quite satisfied. Things were always referred to as “mine” rather than “ours” and we were never able to save because there was always something that needed to be purchased. It’s not necessarily a bad thing because that kind of mentality helped us when we were purchasing our home,  but it created a lot of problems because of his selfishness. I say all of this because I am completely amazed at his level of selfishness. Just when I think he may have let that trait go….out of nowhere, it rears its ugly head! A few weeks ago we talked about division of property and made plans to sit down together and decided who gets what. I offered up a trade to him; I would give our dog to him and any furniture he wanted that we agreed on and in exchange, I wouldn’t have to buy him out of the house or give him any money from the house as I will lose any of the home’s value when I refinance it and put it in my name. He agreed to that deal. Yesterday, I had a phone conference with his lawyer and he informed me that my husband is insisting on getting money from the house. I was so angry and hurt that he lied to me like that! Not only that, but he told me over and over again to trust him, that he would not screw me over! I got off the phone with the lawyer, and called my soon to be ex! He said that if he didn’t get enough money from our tax return that he wants money from the house. He seems to think that it’s fair. So apparently it’s fair that he up and left me with all of the bills, all of the care and maintenance of the house as well as our pets, rips apart our marriage, and gets a new girlfriend, but also gets anything he wants as far as furniture AND money from the house?! He is absolutely ridiculous! I am trying to be as fair as possible and am trying not to be demanding or ask for a lot. All I wanted was the house! I could go after him for half of the house payments or spousal support, but I’m not…and this is how I get repaid! I don’t feel like being the nice and rational one anymore. I feel like turning into a complete selfish and vindictive bitch! I am so tired of being walked all over and treated so shitty! He holds things over my head and when he wants something from me, he is really nice and sucks up. I don’t want to be taken advantage of any longer! I don’t deserve it! I just want this to be done and over with. At this point, I have done all I can do to try and save my house, but it’s out of my hands and all I can do is pray. I am meeting with him Saturday, and my next court date is on April 2^nd…here’s hoping I don’t strangle him out of pure rage when I see him! Deep breaths and happy thoughts are what I keep repeating and will repeat until it’s over!