We Got This!

Life has returned to its normalcy, or our version of normalcy at least. What I felt a few weeks ago was something I had not experienced before. Sure, I have had my share of disappointments, and have begun to get used to seeing the pregnancy tests negative result, but this was far more than that. I started out incredibly hopeful, but as the days progressed and I felt all of these different emotions and symptoms (thank you progesterone cream for providing the phantom pregnancy symptoms), I really thought that this was it. I was already making a check list in my head of all the things I needed to get done before “the baby” gets here. I now feel like a ridiculous person who, despite her best efforts, let her hopes get up way too high. When those pregnancy tests flashed my fate, I almost couldn’t breathe. I stood there in shock before the endless river of tears fell. I honestly felt like someone had ripped my heart out. The following days were somber and depressing. I couldn’t get it together, which is not like me. I tried so hard not to personalize it or to scrutinize every move I made to see if it was something that I could have done differently. I was slipping into a depression, but the love of my family and friends pulled me out of it.

I called the doctor last Friday when lovey AF started and marked my new cycle. I asked if I could get a consultation for guidance on what to do now. They informed me that since it was only my first cycle on injectables, that I could start another cycle with them, as long as everything looked good. So I made my appointment for Sunday. D was able to come with me to this one, which made me happy and put me at ease. I had my scan, and she said that everything looked good, no cysts, and lots of potential follicles on both sides. I was to start Follistim again that night. I asked her if it was common for it to fail when everything looked so good, and her answer was everything I was looking for. She said that even with everything as good as we could have hoped for, it is still a statistics game. Only 1 out of 5 tries works. So just because this one didn’t take, it doesn’t mean I did anything wrong, and it absolutely doesn’t mean that this one doesn’t have a shot, it just is what it is. She said it was absolutely reasonable to try this method again and hope for the best. Hearing it from my friends and family is great, but hearing it from a doctor just makes it feel much more credible and gave me the relief I needed. So as they say, try, and try again….and that is what we are going to do. I am now 2 days into my injections, and I am feeling good. I go in tomorrow for my scan to make sure things are moving in the right direction. I may have been down, but I am certainly not out!