Not A Bad Start

I had my first appointment in months with my RE on Monday. It went fairly well. I still have a small cyst on the right side, but my Dr. thinks that it should be okay and will not interfere with moving forward and taking Letrozole. I started my first dose Monday night and will continue through Friday with a follow-up appointment next Monday to see if the left side has finally got it’s shit together and produced some decent sized follicles! Lazy asshole! So we play the hopeful game all over again. I am feeling pretty good about it. I am excited to start the process again this month, although it was a nice break, it sucked losing so much time! So here we go, fingers crossed, prayers said, and a calm mind wait for Monday.

Things in life have been a bit crazy to say the least. We have had D’s daughter A full time for almost 5 months now. All in all, it has been pretty great having her there. We have her into a nice routine, between school, art club, girl scouts, and counseling, she has a full schedule. It has been rough a few times, but she is a wonderful little girl that I am so blessed to have in my life. As far as her mom, things have not been so good there. She is an alcoholic, who was doing a great job recovering, until she made the rookie mistake of thinking 3 months sober made her invincible, and she consequently fell off the wagon, hard! She has been on and off drinking for almost a month. It was hard having to tell A that her mom was acting that way because of the alcohol. We have had to be the ones to explain why her mommy bailed on events she promised she would go to, and explaining why she can’t be alone with her right now. It put us in a tough place, but I think she understands. Thank God for counseling! It is so hard to watch and be part of something like this. I love that little girl, and I only want the best for her. She needs her mommy and her daddy in her life, but I know that unless mommy WANTS the help, she won’t get the help she needs. I can only think of my relationship with my alcoholic father and how many times he chose alcohol over me, and it breaks my heart. So here I am, jumping in and playing mom, trying to keep her from drowning in these emotions, taking her to functions and loving this little girl like she was mine….but she isn't. And that is a hard reality. I hope that her mom does get better, because she deserves it, but I know that day, if it comes, is going to be hard. Handing over the reins of this world we created for her, and stepping down from that role. It will be hard, it makes me tear up just thinking about it. This time that I have been able to step in has been great. And I will always be there for her, no matter what role I play in her life. I love her, I love her father, and I love our little (hopefully growing) family!