Negative but feeling Positive

Well, this cycle was a no-go. Honestly, I didn't really expect it to happen this month. It was the first month for everything, starting Clomid for the second time in my life, and starting Crinone for the very first time. Not only that, but it was a really odd time for D and I to get into a groove and this month was really about working out all the kinks. I knew that this would probably be a challenge for D as he is not used to this world of infertility. He has had children with other women who haven't had any problems, so he had no idea what he was in for. The biggest challenge for him was the whole structure of this, or more frankly, the scheduled baby making. He is not used to putting himself in the mood on command. And as much as I would love for him to be that kind of person and to understand the necessity of doing it on the days that I ovulate, it has been one of the biggest struggles of this month. I think that this month will be a whole lot better since he now understands this situation a bit better and has an understanding of how expensive this is and he is taking it more serious. I really feel good about this next month.....this could be the month!

This month didn't leave me empty-handed however. I know that the Clomid is the correct dosage and I did in fact ovulate, which was a huge concern. I learned how to successfully take Corinne, which was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, and I also learned a valuable lesion on the extreme side effect that came from Crinone, which  mimic pregnancy symptoms. I had slight cramping with a full feeling in my lower abdomen, extremely sore breasts and nipples and a slight enlargement in my breasts. I felt fatigue as well as frequent urination. So I pretty much learned that the only real sign of pregnancy that I am going to experience is a BFP! So while I didn't achieve that BFP this month, I actually feel like this month was how it was supposed to be. A month of trial, error, knowledge and a test of my emotions. I am a better place with all of this, and I was actually incredibly surprised at how well I was able to get through this compared to years past. Maybe my maturity played a part in this, or perhaps it was having D's daughter around to help ease the pain. Either way, I feel really good about this. I very much feel like this is the perfect time to try and I don't think I have ever felt this happy or hopeful! For now, I will wait to get that lovely AF and start over again, and will be back with updates soon!