Feeling ridiculous!

In a funk today, could blame it on the weather or how my day has gone, in any case, the need for this day to be over incessantly grows! Nothing too big, just a bunch of little things went off to create that snowball effect, and once is starts, good luck getting out of it! For me, I feel slighted when something goes wrong, like the universe hates me, no matter how small this something may be. Very emo and self-absorbed I know, but hey, gotta be honest here. So when that something happens, I then start to reflect on everything that has gone south in the last year and reflect on it as if I have been the target of all things bad. Typing this out, I am literally laughing at how pathetic I am….I mean half of this stuff is really first world problems and are pretty small on a scale of disasters! Yet I still insist on going down this path! I think I may be crazy! But that’s what happened today, one small thing that turned into 2 small things that snowballed its way down my path of broken dreams and despair! Haha! I actually think that writing about how ridiculous I get has pulled me slightly out of this funk! It’s funny what our psyche can do to us!

Well, now that all of that is out of the way, I should mention that VEGAS is in ONE WEEK! So looking forward to having a vacation where I can kick back, relax, get smashed, and create some fun memories with my love! Going to be a lot of fun! I’m actually surprised things came together and we are really going. Seemed kind of touch and go with everyone’s finances and schedules, but we are going! I think that is exactly what I need, to get out of this city and just have fun! When I get back, it is nothing but strict diet and exercise for me! My friend’s wedding is in 8 weeks! Need to lose at least 20 for it, gonna be hard, but I think I can do it! Will be the first time that my ex-husband and I will be in the same room together, hell, the first time that myself, my ex-husband, his whore, and my boyfriend will be in the same room together! Definitely not looking forward to that! This whole subject may be the cause of some serious anxiety and stress in my life! Excited to see two of my best friends get married, but can’t wait until it’s over!

After that…..BABY time! Getting excited for that too! Can’t wait to actually start trying again! Makes me nervous but also incredibly excited! D has now moved on to that exciting phase with me….we pass a cute little kid at the store and he looks at me with these sweet and loving eyes and tells me that he can’t wait to have a little one with me! Those moments are absolutely wonderful and fill me with such joy! People may think I am crazy, but everything just feels so right, it’s hard to explain! I am so ready for this! D also gets really cute when I start talking about random fertility facts or tips I read, which are a ton of them, but he seems to intrigued by all of this and incredibly supportive! I learned that eating a whole pineapple (Core and all) helps thicken the lining of the uterus for conception, and will help with part of my luteal phase defect….he said he would buy me all the pineapple I needed! He is super sweet and I am extremely lucky to have him in my life! So excited for the next few months, just got to make it through a few things first!