This last weekend was pretty great as well, but not without its challenges. I had Friday off, so we planned to spend the day together just like last weekend and take advantage of the empty house and enjoy the last weekend before D started his new job. A conversation that we had earlier in the week got brought up. Last week, D and I were laying in bed and were talking about things we want. He looked at me and said that he didn’t realize how badly I wanted children until he saw me starring at some pregnant women at an event we went to last weekend. He asked me what my timeline would be. I told him that I would like to have my first child before I turned 30, so ideally, it would be pretty soon. He then asked me what my reaction would be if I found out I was pregnant right now. I told him that I would be scared but for the most part I would be ecstatic. He said he would feel the exact same. So he posed the hypothetical ‘what if we were to stop the protection and just see what happens’ question. I was stunned and speechless. I told him I would have to give it thought. Fast forward to Friday….I told him that I thought about what he said and that before I could comfortably do something like that, I would want to know that he could have a relationship with his children. I have been trying to get him to reconnect with his 5 year old daughter since we started dating, and it really bothers me that he doesn’t have that relationship. I can’t begin to understand what happened between him and the mom to want to separate himself especially since it obviously kills him to do it, but I told him that he should fight with all he has to be in her life. We had a long talk about it that resulted in a huge argument but ultimately got us to really understand each other and him to take charge and take the appropriate steps to get back into her life. I was really proud of him and it really made me see him in a different light. It also made me really consider his offer. I was going to go the route of a donor in about 6-8 months, so why not entertain the possibility of D. I am still considering it, but will need to see improvement before I actually decide. Ultimately, I know that if I am blessed with a child by whatever means that it happens, that child will have more love in its life than it could ever know. I would do anything to have a child and I will do anything for that child. At this point in my life, I am ready for my life to continue and I want these things to happen. I am nearly a solo homeowner, I have a great job, and I am going to work like hell to have a family. Screw the traditional family, tried it and it didn’t work! I just want to be happy! I really feel in my heart that I could be happy, truly happy soon. I really love D and could see us being a quirky family some day. But really, who knows, I thought things were all figured out in my life and that didn’t turn out like I thought. All I can do is live in the moment and plan as best I can for the future and pray it all works out the way it is supposed to!
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Oh the possibilities
Sitting at work feeling antsy… could be because I
have had a 3-day weekend back to back the last 2 weeks and now I am feeling
like this work week is going soooo slow and it’s only Tuesday! Memorial day
weekend was amazing! D and I took advantage of my friends empty house in
Manitou and it was beyond wonderful! It was nice to just be with each other in
complete privacy, have no schedule and just be able to enjoy our company. We arrived
at the house in the early afternoon and celebrated with a glass of wine and
some fun! We ended up napping for a few hours and awaking to more fun and then
a tour of Manitou. We walked around, shopped, played in the arcade, talked next
to the little stream and enjoyed the weather. We had a nice romantic dinner,
wandered back to the house for more wine and conversation. It had to have been
one of the best days I have ever had. At this point, it was safe to say that I
have fallen in love with this boy. It was wonderful to have a day filled with
such passion, a day where we could just talk and get to know each other better,
a day about just us. The best part was that there was no arguing. I had never
had a romantic getaway where there was no arguing. With my ex, we argued
constantly. We even argued on our honeymoon. I loved how carefree we were and
how into each other we were. It was simply amazing! We finished out the weekend
by spending time with D’s family and getting to know them which was pretty
cool. There are a bunch of crazy connections with his family, it’s so strange.
I went to middle school with one of his sisters and the other sister has a
child with a guy I went to middle school and high school with. His family is
definitely interesting but sweet none the less. I had fun getting to know them
and seeing D around the kids.
This last weekend was pretty great as well, but not without its challenges. I had Friday off, so we planned to spend the day together just like last weekend and take advantage of the empty house and enjoy the last weekend before D started his new job. A conversation that we had earlier in the week got brought up. Last week, D and I were laying in bed and were talking about things we want. He looked at me and said that he didn’t realize how badly I wanted children until he saw me starring at some pregnant women at an event we went to last weekend. He asked me what my timeline would be. I told him that I would like to have my first child before I turned 30, so ideally, it would be pretty soon. He then asked me what my reaction would be if I found out I was pregnant right now. I told him that I would be scared but for the most part I would be ecstatic. He said he would feel the exact same. So he posed the hypothetical ‘what if we were to stop the protection and just see what happens’ question. I was stunned and speechless. I told him I would have to give it thought. Fast forward to Friday….I told him that I thought about what he said and that before I could comfortably do something like that, I would want to know that he could have a relationship with his children. I have been trying to get him to reconnect with his 5 year old daughter since we started dating, and it really bothers me that he doesn’t have that relationship. I can’t begin to understand what happened between him and the mom to want to separate himself especially since it obviously kills him to do it, but I told him that he should fight with all he has to be in her life. We had a long talk about it that resulted in a huge argument but ultimately got us to really understand each other and him to take charge and take the appropriate steps to get back into her life. I was really proud of him and it really made me see him in a different light. It also made me really consider his offer. I was going to go the route of a donor in about 6-8 months, so why not entertain the possibility of D. I am still considering it, but will need to see improvement before I actually decide. Ultimately, I know that if I am blessed with a child by whatever means that it happens, that child will have more love in its life than it could ever know. I would do anything to have a child and I will do anything for that child. At this point in my life, I am ready for my life to continue and I want these things to happen. I am nearly a solo homeowner, I have a great job, and I am going to work like hell to have a family. Screw the traditional family, tried it and it didn’t work! I just want to be happy! I really feel in my heart that I could be happy, truly happy soon. I really love D and could see us being a quirky family some day. But really, who knows, I thought things were all figured out in my life and that didn’t turn out like I thought. All I can do is live in the moment and plan as best I can for the future and pray it all works out the way it is supposed to!
This last weekend was pretty great as well, but not without its challenges. I had Friday off, so we planned to spend the day together just like last weekend and take advantage of the empty house and enjoy the last weekend before D started his new job. A conversation that we had earlier in the week got brought up. Last week, D and I were laying in bed and were talking about things we want. He looked at me and said that he didn’t realize how badly I wanted children until he saw me starring at some pregnant women at an event we went to last weekend. He asked me what my timeline would be. I told him that I would like to have my first child before I turned 30, so ideally, it would be pretty soon. He then asked me what my reaction would be if I found out I was pregnant right now. I told him that I would be scared but for the most part I would be ecstatic. He said he would feel the exact same. So he posed the hypothetical ‘what if we were to stop the protection and just see what happens’ question. I was stunned and speechless. I told him I would have to give it thought. Fast forward to Friday….I told him that I thought about what he said and that before I could comfortably do something like that, I would want to know that he could have a relationship with his children. I have been trying to get him to reconnect with his 5 year old daughter since we started dating, and it really bothers me that he doesn’t have that relationship. I can’t begin to understand what happened between him and the mom to want to separate himself especially since it obviously kills him to do it, but I told him that he should fight with all he has to be in her life. We had a long talk about it that resulted in a huge argument but ultimately got us to really understand each other and him to take charge and take the appropriate steps to get back into her life. I was really proud of him and it really made me see him in a different light. It also made me really consider his offer. I was going to go the route of a donor in about 6-8 months, so why not entertain the possibility of D. I am still considering it, but will need to see improvement before I actually decide. Ultimately, I know that if I am blessed with a child by whatever means that it happens, that child will have more love in its life than it could ever know. I would do anything to have a child and I will do anything for that child. At this point in my life, I am ready for my life to continue and I want these things to happen. I am nearly a solo homeowner, I have a great job, and I am going to work like hell to have a family. Screw the traditional family, tried it and it didn’t work! I just want to be happy! I really feel in my heart that I could be happy, truly happy soon. I really love D and could see us being a quirky family some day. But really, who knows, I thought things were all figured out in my life and that didn’t turn out like I thought. All I can do is live in the moment and plan as best I can for the future and pray it all works out the way it is supposed to!
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